life is...

life isn't about finding yourself. it is about creating yourself.

They are not stupid

no worries. drama's gone. woo-hoo. no hate, just anger, but that too is gone. drama's inevitable in all our lives really, at some point, cos we are somehow reactive to the situations, we are just human right. i'm just a little more transparent with my emotions and thoughts. the question is always, how drama you wanna get as oppose to whether you have drama or not. it came, it went. it's all good now.

anyway, i found this really hilarious video to celebrate laughter once again. muahaha. told you they were dumb. most questions were really in your face. haha. it's really like asking a kid to add 2 and 2. on a neutral ground, i'm sure there are brilliant people there just as we have dumb ones here, but it's still funny as fuck nevertheless. i was laughing so hard, my socks fell off. lol. oh, btw, if you see the map carefully as he ask them to pin on, the name of the countries are not right. he just kinda mixed them up. that's australia they are pinning on, but they think it's north korea or iran! hahahaha.

this is not easy for me

i think i just did took it one step too far. i'm ashamed of it all. it's not easy for me to admit this. most probably right too about being fucked up. i know what he is. he doesn't deserve this vulgar part of me i've kept from him and myself. i really tried. it takes all these time of keeping it in and try being a better person, but it takes one moment to break everything you worked so hard for. to go back in being that. i just broke. i'm not gonna blame it on being angry and the stress from possibly everything around, and i'm not gonna take it back as i know that's not ever gonna help with anything at this point. i've done this.

it really wasn't about the space. i did say i'll ease up. it's really not about that. i just snapped the moment i asked about something else and he talked down, ignored, and left me hanging. not that he will do it intentionally. maybe it was a build up of a few others too, i dunno. whatever it is, i got there and i did what i did. you made me thought about a lot of things i ignored and chose not to see when i was clouded. i'm still a little mad about things, but i agree that violence is not an answer or an outlet. i chose the easiest way to deal with it.

this was what i'm afraid of the most. i remember telling you once before. i'm afraid of me, and the person that i truly am inside. i just thank God that i didn't do anything i'd live to regret. i admit that this is my true colour. it's not about going public or an ego thing, because if it is, i wouldn't be writing this. actually in fact, i just showed the world of how fucked up i am. humiliating myself is certainly the fun way to go. believe me, it's really tearing me up inside. should have thought about things, but i didnt.

i'm not justifying neither am i apologizing. the best i could do is to give everyone some peace of mind. this really doesn't undo things neither does it say much to relieve both you and him the disappointment. it still leaves everyone feeling shitty.

i wish you both well too. i still do look up to him. i agree it's best we part ways. i've said my peace.

greatest day

bummer! balls! fuck!

Animax theme song

we were given the opportunity to make some interesting visuals for Animax, the anime channel. check it out at the feature section in our site. if you missed it, click on the work link in our site, and it's in our music videos segment. it really wasn't as easy as just making a music video k, other than the hard work. when we first got an email from Animax asking us if we were interested to work on a project, we had no idea what they had in mind. we had to produce a music video for the band Pupil, and at the same time display much of the brand promise of the channel. that's like killing 2 birds with one stone lor.

we decided that an anime featuring the band members in 4 various stereotypical anime world is to be animated. we added a little twist to the entire plot because i personally felt that it needed something to hold and tie the entire sequence. we came up with the idea that the characters in the anime world are looking at the real world and sees it as anime and think of anime world as reality. foncuse?

another challenge of this sequence was to work around with the green screen shots they have already taken much before. basically, it's like working backwards. it's like giving me 4 wheels and a steering wheel and ask me to make a car without a blueprint. now that's difficult. the other greater challenge was to work with our limited resource and still pushing its limit. we didn't have a fucking hot budget to hire 10 illustrators, 10 animators or whatever. it's just the few of us here at hue. not bad for a crazy bunch of rejects eh.

we were given this...

and we turned it into this.

i hope you enjoy watching it as much as we did making it. it was certainly a benchmark for us. now, if it's not your cup of tea, the least you can do is not tell me. the team spent weeks of sleepless nights to come out with that. these are some of the screenshots from the sequence.

use to be

everyone has their ghosts. some choose to hide them in the closet, and some try figuring them out. i have mine, just as you have yours. if anything at all, i'm all good being just me. i feel so fortunate doing what i do, and being who i am. we are all fine, with our little chipped ends.

someone asked me last night, why am i so close, yet i'm never. i replied, "my dear, i've been messed up a long time ago, and there's a hole where my heart should be. some things are broken inside and i just don't work that way anymore." for now, i'm good where i stand. my heart is cold, but it keeps me safe. i envy my dearest friends who are all married and attached. they seem happy. i use to be. i wish i am too, but i'm too tired to do anything about it, ever. it's so ironic. i would like to have someone in my life too, who wouldn't, but i'm just so afraid at the thought of getting into a relationship. i don't wanna take any more chances. took one too many, and went straight to jail without passing go, and not collecting 200.

i have been trying to just go out, start dating again, but it never ends well. either that, or i just couldn't keep going at it. i would like to blame it on my work or the age, but truth is, i'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. i'd probably have to fix that hole and resolve my ghosts first, but i'm too tired to give a fuck. maybe in time, i'll find myself falling in love, but i'm sure it won't be any time soon. i'll take it as it comes. i've got some straightening out to do on my own. well, either way, life still goes on. oh bugga.

you can try

woo, this just works my day. and i thought i had a bad week. looks like someone had it worse. anything to get a review eh. is this the same dude that does this? you know you are fucked when your boss starts dancing around, literally. haha. well, cheerios, i hope he had fun dancing as much as i had fun watching. keep it up dude. you certainly have a much better chance at dancing. sorry, that was cheap. couldn't help it. haha.

whoops!! dude, you beat me to it la. i'll just stick to directing and designing. i lose hands down man.

touch up 101

this is the result of an image i recently touched up. just wanna share some light, geddit? some light. haha. nemind. anyways, this image was taken by julian without my knowledge. i'm not posing although i would if i knew. haha. now, let's begin our lesson no.1. in order to see what has been done to it, let's take a look at what it was before.
this is the original image that was taken. bad light, bad hierarchy of visuals, bad colour information, and er, bad everything else. if you notice, my jeans and my jacket is of different denim. my skin on my face doesn't look too appealing, and it certainly doesn't match my hand in the pocket. the background tends to be shouting louder than the subject. see how the whites on the back is on a higher level than the whites on the subject? colour saturation is too high and burnt on the subject. i had to bleach it to harmonize the levels. now that we have identified the problems, let's begin lesson no.1. step 1, i opened photoshop. step 2, i, er.... too many steps la, i'll continue this on the next chapter. tra la la. see you next time. thank you for joining me. this episode is brought to you by the letter H, U and E.

solace

i know i have issues. i realize acknowledging is not good enough. i'm not offended, and i take it gracefully. i really din mean to offend anyone, especially ppl that i'm close with. frankly, i never really cared about pissing ppl off; can't make everyone happy right or not, but there are some really close ones that i never want them to think otherwise or lesser of me. never needed the advice, just someone to listen. all i know in my head at this current point is that i need a friend just to listen or tell me things are gonna be alright, even if it doesn't. yes, certainly denial, but it helps. its not like i expect, but i really don't know who else to turn to.

i admit that my life's a walking drama. some are made and most are given. some i chose to amplify and most are handed down. it's true. its insecurities. i don't deny that. i'm not perfect, and i've always been trying to be a better person, especially with my insecurities, and my attention deficit disorder(ADD). subconsciously for me, he has always been my comfort and pillar. he tells me to jump, i say how high. his acknowledgement means the world to me. yes, i am dependant on him emotionally. my solace. he has always been even without him realizing. i know now that he can no longer be.

i apologize for my obnoxious behaviour. really can't help feeling stupid and the lousiest the past few days. i'll be there still for you if you ever need me despite whatever. im still your soldier my dear friend. push come to shove, i'll always be. im sorry.

ARGH!

OMG, this is really getting bad to worse. my whole creative career is on the line and nothing is materializing. is there no other way to do this? tired balls. everyone is burnt out. i don't know how to do this anymore, and i'm running out of time and solutions. three long years to build, and it takes one project to fuck this goodbye. give me this, i need this. please. ARGHHHH!!

im so intolerant to bullshit right now.