life is for the living

some people live to be happy, while others are just happy to live. i guess i'm a little of both these days. don't get me wrong, it's not like i'm prancing around the garden all day long and glad that it's not raining. most of my days are packed with high stressed decisions both creatively and financially, at the same time playing mother hen with the flock. but i like doing stuff (maybe not all at once) and sometimes the reward is just great looking at the faces of the people who are with you everyday. just that sometimes it gets a tad bit tougher than usual.

sometimes people ask me why do i even bother with a company of my own if the stress is killing me, and sometimes it seems like there is just so many boundaries. really, how could i want it any other way. you won't understand. it's just things i take to my grave on my own i guess. it's so much more fulfilling this way. i mean, you actually think you can rid yourself of crazy work and stress? what? a less stressful environment and less work? please la, everyone still has to cope with bullshit at some point. if you don't then, er, well, good for you. to think that i'd achieve this much without going tru it? must have fell out from the sky huh, and i was just fucking lucky to be there to catch the drop.

i'm not all that, neither am i God, nor close to perfect. i don't have all the answers and i'm certainly not your hero. i just wanna do better. i'm just a man who tries to make the right choices everyday. i make some good ones, i make some bad ones. but hey, i'm trying everyday. i don't have the strength for everyone else. but i guess courage is not about how tough and strong you are. on the contrary, courage is when you are afraid and you persist.

it's such a sin not to be me if i'm me. i'm a fighter. born to fight my way tru life and that's what i shall do. my life hasn't been smooth, but heck, it's a good life, and i'm fortunate for it. i want to live that dream that i dare to dream about. the point is that i will live. it just feels so good.