solace

i know i have issues. i realize acknowledging is not good enough. i'm not offended, and i take it gracefully. i really din mean to offend anyone, especially ppl that i'm close with. frankly, i never really cared about pissing ppl off; can't make everyone happy right or not, but there are some really close ones that i never want them to think otherwise or lesser of me. never needed the advice, just someone to listen. all i know in my head at this current point is that i need a friend just to listen or tell me things are gonna be alright, even if it doesn't. yes, certainly denial, but it helps. its not like i expect, but i really don't know who else to turn to.

i admit that my life's a walking drama. some are made and most are given. some i chose to amplify and most are handed down. it's true. its insecurities. i don't deny that. i'm not perfect, and i've always been trying to be a better person, especially with my insecurities, and my attention deficit disorder(ADD). subconsciously for me, he has always been my comfort and pillar. he tells me to jump, i say how high. his acknowledgement means the world to me. yes, i am dependant on him emotionally. my solace. he has always been even without him realizing. i know now that he can no longer be.

i apologize for my obnoxious behaviour. really can't help feeling stupid and the lousiest the past few days. i'll be there still for you if you ever need me despite whatever. im still your soldier my dear friend. push come to shove, i'll always be. im sorry.