who chooses who

i once read somewhere that quoted, "you do not choose to be artistic. art chooses you." art is a form of conduct and lifestyle. a religion and a culture on its own. you live art; you don't just work art. you either are, or you are not. when art chooses you, art becomes a jealous mistress. i believe so. come on, don't blame me cos it's true and you can't deal with facts. i ain't making this shit up.

this pretty much answers why most local designers, animators, and whoever thinks they are in the creative industry constantly struggle with the idea of being creative but they don't wanna work more than their fair share of hours. "i want a balance life.",""oh no! more work?","i'm not getting paid enough to do that sort of work." constant complaints and excuses. yada yada. we heard it all before. oh come on, stop living in denial. how can you dread work, but want to do better artwork? no wonder you are tearing yourself apart with the mind fuck, getting all jaded and shit. do you even listen to yourself? it's never about the result, but the constant enthusiasm in living of the creative journey and the understanding of the artistic methodology.

what, you wanna be creative for a couple of years but have the rest of it balanced up on a 9-5? no wonder you go no where with you fucking career. it becomes a job the moment you let it be. so stop whining cos you were never meant to be artistic, sad but true. technical abilities do not constitute for being creative. more often than not, you are most likely to be just a technician. it's ok, not all of us are the chosen few. you never grew artistically. you just grew in experience of clicking the same buttons to do the same shit. do not be mistaken a pianist for a musician. the best part of being artistic is that you don't have to prove it to anyone. you just need to live it.

p/s : ok, don't give me your version of this to justify yourself. it ain't a debate. it's a self reflective question. it's a question that governs the direction of your life. i'm fortunate to be able to be doing what i do and to live it. it ain't easy but i'll live. go suck a cock if you don't.

lock sin's artwork

these are a few pieces in a series designed by my dear friend, locksin. she's a young passionate graphic designer. it's so beautiful that i just have to post this up. amazing intricate details and flow. distinctive form and aesthetic style/direction. somewhat very ayo kato-ish in influence. i personally love the first piece below among the 4 that she has given me. she has more of them in this series of artwork. i think she does really gorgeous artworks but she doesn't get enough reach for it. so, designers around, if you are reading this, and you know how to get her work out there, please let her know or if you think these catches your eye, then feature her work in your space or something. these are artworks worth mentioning about. drop her a line at her blog, or computer love.
that's locksin alright. yes yes, she is pretty too but really, that's besides the point. the pretty ones, are the ones below.

palate palette

last thursday everyone at hue had a celebration at palate palette. really cool place. loved the ambience. so designy. haha. me likey. anyways, yes yes, we were loud. actually come to think of it, i think it was just me. but hey, you gotta admit, it's no fun without me. :P

we drank, and we drank, and we drank... didn't drink much but i got there. yes yes, i'm a cheap ass drinker, thank God for that. haha. don't need to drink a barrel to get starry eyed. haha. and after a while it's no fun drinking with me, cos i'll get myself drunk and happy. haha. rounds and rounds of shots. woo hoo. had a really good time. a good clean one. we laughed so much that night i had cramps.

the result was a night of laughter, spontaneous stupidity, and ol' fashion share and care. these were some of the pictures our dearest boy, sengkai, took that night.

i love this shot of zellie. by far my favourite shot of her. sweet serene and just happy being who she is.

usually sengkai doesn't smile much. you only get this after a few beers and a flaming. haha. he wasn't even tipsy, but it sure hell loosen him up.

partners in crime. both tipsy edi. check out the slit eyes that we both can't seem to open. all we can do is smile.

jules really just cracks me up with his cool macho posing. i have to admit though, he can surely pull it off and still look good.

told ya he can really pose! haha. that's dista joining in. omg, not you too! jules can blame it on the alcohol, you can't my dear dista.

fuck, i just had to la. alcohol talking, ya know.

fizah and mun kiat in this one. it's easy to tell that one's half way there and the other's pretty sober. look who's grinning.
aww, we'll always wanna remember dee this way.
if all else fails, stupidity prevails. need i say more. oh boy, do i really need a prayer for this one.

ah, this is where i belong. i'm fortunate and happy to be a huey.

kids these days

just the other day, we were casting some really really young talents from age 10-13 for a promo that we will be shooting for soon. and there he was this 8 year old boy. sweet as can be. until he started his fucking nonsense. just like stitch. kanineh.

wa lau! makes me wanna slap the motherfucker's teeth in. if he was my kid, I'm gonna whip him like Jesus got it. fucking no manners whatsoever. and the worse part is that he thinks he is cute. who the fuck is his mother. take that kid out of here man. he is pissing the fuck out of me. you should be ashamed of yourself for his upbringing. naughty fella, this one, I'm telling you. the force is strong with this one! feel the force motherfucker! your mother never taught you manners ah.

you should have seen the mouth and attitude on that kid. after harassing most kids around, he looked at me and said, "do you have a problem? what are you looking at? turn your face the other way before i slap you." eh, premature-got-a-stub-for-a-dick-shortfuck, I'm gonna drown you when your mum's not looking. he is just an 8 year old. that fucker's balls hasn't had hair growth yet! oh my gosh, what are TV doing to kids these days? or are they already like that.

i remember the time when i was 8 and if i ever talked like that I'd be homeless! my mum would yanked my hair and slapped my mouth and asked me to repeat that shit if i had the balls.

shits! kids these days.

been a while

haven't been updating this stupid thing. haven't had the time. i'm not here for your entertainment anyway. hehe. wait la, soon after i get some breathing space.

"it's all about the money. dum dum dee dee dum dum."

meja

life is...

life isn't about finding yourself. it is about creating yourself.

They are not stupid

no worries. drama's gone. woo-hoo. no hate, just anger, but that too is gone. drama's inevitable in all our lives really, at some point, cos we are somehow reactive to the situations, we are just human right. i'm just a little more transparent with my emotions and thoughts. the question is always, how drama you wanna get as oppose to whether you have drama or not. it came, it went. it's all good now.

anyway, i found this really hilarious video to celebrate laughter once again. muahaha. told you they were dumb. most questions were really in your face. haha. it's really like asking a kid to add 2 and 2. on a neutral ground, i'm sure there are brilliant people there just as we have dumb ones here, but it's still funny as fuck nevertheless. i was laughing so hard, my socks fell off. lol. oh, btw, if you see the map carefully as he ask them to pin on, the name of the countries are not right. he just kinda mixed them up. that's australia they are pinning on, but they think it's north korea or iran! hahahaha.

this is not easy for me

i think i just did took it one step too far. i'm ashamed of it all. it's not easy for me to admit this. most probably right too about being fucked up. i know what he is. he doesn't deserve this vulgar part of me i've kept from him and myself. i really tried. it takes all these time of keeping it in and try being a better person, but it takes one moment to break everything you worked so hard for. to go back in being that. i just broke. i'm not gonna blame it on being angry and the stress from possibly everything around, and i'm not gonna take it back as i know that's not ever gonna help with anything at this point. i've done this.

it really wasn't about the space. i did say i'll ease up. it's really not about that. i just snapped the moment i asked about something else and he talked down, ignored, and left me hanging. not that he will do it intentionally. maybe it was a build up of a few others too, i dunno. whatever it is, i got there and i did what i did. you made me thought about a lot of things i ignored and chose not to see when i was clouded. i'm still a little mad about things, but i agree that violence is not an answer or an outlet. i chose the easiest way to deal with it.

this was what i'm afraid of the most. i remember telling you once before. i'm afraid of me, and the person that i truly am inside. i just thank God that i didn't do anything i'd live to regret. i admit that this is my true colour. it's not about going public or an ego thing, because if it is, i wouldn't be writing this. actually in fact, i just showed the world of how fucked up i am. humiliating myself is certainly the fun way to go. believe me, it's really tearing me up inside. should have thought about things, but i didnt.

i'm not justifying neither am i apologizing. the best i could do is to give everyone some peace of mind. this really doesn't undo things neither does it say much to relieve both you and him the disappointment. it still leaves everyone feeling shitty.

i wish you both well too. i still do look up to him. i agree it's best we part ways. i've said my peace.